When I went to University I thought that I was going to get a degree and to participate in the associated social activities that accompany this endeavour. After three years of arduous studying I graduated. It was my impression that once I graduated I would cease my relationship with this institution of higher learning. Alas, this was not the case. My former university was very interested in me and what I did for a living. Move after move and apartment after apartment, the alumni association would locate me. They would keep me updated about their activities through a school newsletter. They didn't only write but they would take the time to call me. On many occasions Brock University would call me like a jilted lover, “Hello Mr. Longley this is Brock University calling would you like to donate $100 to the new computer lab?”
No matter where I went they were able to find me. I thought that the school must want to keep tabs on me in case I achieved greatness. I am sure they have kept my papers entitled, “Socialization” or “Racism in Africa” or the groundbreaking, “Hypocrisy in Hip Hop” on file. Once a year they bring them out as examples to new students and as proof that my greatness originated at Brock University. This assertion appears to be false. I have consulted with friends and foes and they all have had the same experience. I have even heard of women changing their name and address and they are still found by their former university.

This leads me to wonder, why is it so hard to find Osama Bin Laden? I think the government should enrol Osama as an alumnus of Brock University. Give the association one month to do their magic and then follow the alumni newsletter to its destination and there will be one Osama Bin Laden.